


In which Obi-Wan actually gives Palpatine a piece of good advice

by KittyPaw



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, It's not an Obi-Wan fic without tea, Obi-Wan Kenobi is Awesome, Satisfying, Tea, crack and humor, idk what to tag this, that needs to be a tag NOW, to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29675310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyPaw/pseuds/KittyPaw
Summary: "I'm telling you, you do not want Anakin as an apprentice," Obi-Wan said calmly."He is the most powerful Force user in the galaxy! And he will be mine -""No, I'm not kidding, being his master means constantly saving his life and bailing him out of the numerous messes he gets himself into, with absolutely no apology because he's just going to go and get into another one."~~~Or, the one time Obi-Wan actually tried to HELP a Sith Lord.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Sheev Palpatine, Sheev Palpatine & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 16
Kudos: 133





	In which Obi-Wan actually gives Palpatine a piece of good advice

"It's just a piece of friendly advice that I have for you," Obi-Wan Kenobi said as he stirred his tea. "Would you care to hear it?"

Palpatine internally scoffed. He didn't need any advice from a _Jedi_. Still, out loud he said, "Of course, Master Jedi. What is it?"

"You do not want to make Anakin your apprentice."

Now there were a whole lot of problems with that statement. One, it appeared to imply that Palpatine would be looking for a Force-using apprentice, which, of course, he was, but Kenobi was _not_ supposed to know that. Two, it appeared to imply that he knew he was going after Anakin. And three, Kenobi was so calm about it that it was honestly freaking him out really bad.

"I - what?"

"I mean," he continued, "if _I_ was looking for a Sith apprentice -"

"I'm not a Sith! -"

"- I would want them to not get into messes every second," he finished without so much as pausing at Palpatine's interruption. He took a _much_ too innocent sip of tea. "I mean, do you have any idea how much stupid stuff he does?"

"I have no idea why you would ever think that I would be looking for a Sith apprentice." Palpatine put on his best offended old man mask, but Obi-Wan was having none of it. That blasted Jedi. He was smiling _smugly_.

"Oh please, Mr. Sidious, it is no use trying to convince me that I did not hear you giving a particularly elaborate evil villain monologue to that wall over there. Very inspirational villain speech about ruling the galaxy." Obi-Wan drunk the rest of his tea in his last sip. "Unfortunately, it also included taking my apprentice, and you don't want to do that."

"Nothing you can do will make me regret -"

"No, I'm not threatening you," Obi-Wan corrected. "I mean it. I'm telling you, you do not want Anakin as an apprentice," he said calmly.

"He is the most powerful Force user in the galaxy! And he will be mine -"

"No _really_ , I'm not kidding, being his master means constantly saving his life and bailing him out of the numerous messes he gets himself into, with absolutely no apology because he's just going to go and get into another one."

When Palpatine didn't respond, Obi-Wan continued, "I mean, do you really want to be saving his skin every single day of your life?"

"Well, no..."

"Well that's what it means to be his master. I wouldn't be surprised if on day one you had to drag him out of a lake of fire because he tried to do a fancy flip."

He was just being dramatic, right?

"I'm not just being dramatic. Also, your shields are _reeeeally_ bad when you're thrown off guard." Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair, still acting so annoyingly calm and formal, as if he wasn't accusing him of being a _Sith_!

Which, he was, but that wasn't the point...


End file.
